Computer Gender

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine -- "la casa" "Phone", however, is masculine -- "el telephono."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. no one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. the native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. as soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (el computador"), because:
1. in order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2.they have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. they are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. as soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The result? The women won. HAHAHA!!!

Mga Kasagutan sa mga Tanong ng Bumabagabag sa Iyong Isipan

Ang aking kaibigan ay mayroon lang mga ilang katanungan na matagal nang bumabagabag sa kanyang araw-araw na pamumuhay. Maaaring ang iba rito ay alam na rin ito ngunit walang makapagbigay ng akmang kasagutan o pagpapaliwanag. Ito ay ang mga sumusunod:

1. Pwede bang uminom ng softdrink kapag coffee break? Pwedeng uminom ng softdrink kung coffebreak ngunit kailangan itong lagyan ng asukal at kopimeyt. Kopimeyt dapat at huwag gatas. (milk in my cereal, kopimeyt in my pepsi. Sounds good to me!)

2. Pwede bang gamitin ang a.m. radio pag gabi na? Maari lamang gamitin ang a.m. radio kapag gabi kung ang iyong pakikinggan ay f.m.

3. Ang fire exit ba ay labasan ng apoy? Ang fire exit ay ginagamit lamang bilang labasan ng apoy kapag may sunog. Ito ang kanilang daan upang sila'y makatakas o ang tinatawag na "fire escape."

4. Ang uod ba pag namatay ay inuuod din? Ang tao kapag namatay ay hindi tinatao. Malamang ang uod ay hindi rin inuuod. Kung ang tao ay inuuod kapag nalaguatan ng hininga, siguro ang uod kapag namatay ay tinatao.

5. Totoo bang ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jolibee ay masasaya kaya sila tinawag na Chicken Joy?  Ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jolibee ay masaya kung kaya't sila'y tinawag na Chicken Joy. Ngunit hindi kinakailangang sa Jolibee patayin ang manok upang maging ito ay maging masaya...ang mga manok ay nagiging masaya kapag sila ay may kasama sa buhay. Kapag ito ay nag-iisa lamang, ito ay hindi Chicken Joy kundi...McChicken Singles. (Ang pinakamasayang manok sa lahat ay iyong 6pc. Chicken McNuggets)

6. Kung ang 7-11 store ay bukas 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, at 365 days a year, bakit may lock pa ang pinto nila? Bakit? Bakit? Dalawa ang dahilan. Una, may coffee break (tingnan ang katanungan bilang 1 hinggil sa maaaring inumin kapag coffe break) din naman ang mga nagtatrabaho sa 7-11. Pangalawa, mayroon tayong tinatawag na leap year.

7. Bakit di mataas ang highway? Dahil kung mataas ang highway, walang paglalagyan ng skyway.

8. Ba't alang lumilipad na sasakyan sa flyover? Hindi lang natin nakikita ang mga nagliliparang sasakyan sapagkat hindi tayo tumitingala kapag tayo ay nasa flyover. Ang pagsalin ng dayuhang salita na flyover sa katutubong wika ay "fly"-lipad, "over"-sa ibabaw. Ibig sabihin nito na ang mga kotse ay hindi lumilipad sa flyover ngunit sa ibabaw ng flyover. Ngayon kung titingala ka naman kapag ikaw ay nasa flyover ang tangi mong makikita ay ang kisame ng iyong sasakyan.

Sana ay nasagot ko ang iyong mga tanong at kung mayroon pang ibang bagay na bumabagabag sa iyong isipan huwag kang mag-alinlangang magpadala sa akin ng e-mail.  at lagi rin natin sana tandaan ang dayuhang salawikain na "ask a dumb question and you'll get a dumb answer."

Final Exam

WORLD HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief and concise, yet specific.

ASTRONOMY
Define the universe; give three examples.

MEDICINE
You will be provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

COMPUTER SCIENCE
Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, create a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.

PUBLIC SPEAKING
Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin, Hebrew, or Greek.

CIVIL ENGINEERING
This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will support your weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid.

MECHANICAL ENGINEERING
The disassembled parts of a howitzer have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING
You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.

BIOLOGY
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500,000 years earlier, with special attention to the probable effect, if any, on the Philippine social spectrum circa 1640. Prove your thesis.

RELIGION
Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.

MUSIC
Write a full piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

LOGIC
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

CHEMISTRY
You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison.

PSYCHOLOGY
Based on your knowledge of their early works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. Translate all quotations in Tagalog.

SOCIOLOGY
Identify the sociological problems which might be associated with the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

ECONOMICS
Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have done to prevent the Great Depression.

MATHEMATICS
You have 60 seconds to mentally solve the mathematical problem below. Begin.

8,256.091 + _________ - ________ x ________ ¸ ________ = -38.07623

(Bonus question: Why is 11 not pronounced onety one? Provide a full numerical analysis in justifying your answer.)

POLITICAL SCIENCE
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

ART
Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.

PHYSICS
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an in-depth evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

METAPHYSICS
Describe in detail the nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis.

PHILOSOPHY
Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

The Paomnnehal Pweor of the Hmuan Mnid

I cdnuol't blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.

THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Pertty srtagne eh?? Hvae a gerat day!!

Styles Of Courtship According To...

THE VARSITY DUDE
Opening line: "You know what, every time you watch me play, I feel so inspired."
His game plan: He's gonna wink at you or point at you whenever he scores
First move: He'll give you free tickets to his games
First gift: His team jacket or a UST growling tigers yellow jacket....
First date: He's gonna take you to a UAAP game between ATENEO and BARANGKA HIGH SCHOOL
Phone habit(s): He always talks about his great heroic game saving shots
Courting endurance: Really depends on how long the off-season is
How he will propose: After a game and winning the MVP award, he'll ask you to be his girlfriend

THE COMPUTER KID
Opening line: Hi!!!... ASL
His game plan: He's gonna give you all the anti-nuking devices to keep you protected
First move: He'll give you a cyber flower
First gift: New software especially made for you
First date: He's gonna take you to Cyber Cafe and you're gonna chat and surf together
Phone habit(s): He always talks about computer jargons, you never understand them though
Visiting hours: Whenever your computer breaks down, he'll be there
Courting endurance: It really depends on how much more free Internet hours he has left
How he will propose: He's gonna ask you over one of the chat channels

THE GEEK FREAK
Opening line: "Hey groovy chick!!!"
His game plan: He's gonna do all your homework until you realize his importance
First move: He's gonna do all your reports and term papers
First gift: A book on Chemistry made easy starring Big Bird and Pong Pagong
First date: He's gonna take you to a very silent place... the library
Phone habit(s): He always tries to review you for upcoming tests and quizzes
Visiting hours: Everytime you have work that requires him to go to your house
Courting endurance: As long as you need someone to do your school load
How he will propose: He's gonna ask you in between the bookshelves in the library

THE RICH KID
Opening line: "So whatta you want?" (flips the wallet open with all the dangling credit cards)
His game plan: He's gonna give you anything money can buy
First move: He'll take you for a joy ride in his two-seater roadster
First gift: Anything with a price tag not lower than 10,000
First date: He's gonna take you in his yacht for a cruise
Phone habit(s): He keeps on asking if there's anything you need, and he means ANYTHING
Visiting hours: whenever you're available
Courting endurance: usually lasts long enough for you to be as rich as he is
How he will propose: He'll rent TIME SQUARE and propose on the big screen

MR. SMOOTH
Opening line: Usually he'll call the girl and make her "bola"
His game plan: He'll be friends with you first and then he'll go for the kill afterwards
First move: He'll be callin' you ever night to try to be as close to you as possible
First gift: He'll give you roses or a teddy bear
First date: He's gonna take you for a stroll at the mall
Phone habit(s): He always makes you "bola"
Visiting hours: Whenever he can think of an excuse to go to your place
Courting endurance: As long as he doesn't get that famous line "..let's be friends na lang"
How he will propose: Over the phone (around midnight in most cases)

THE HEADBANGER
Opening line: "Pank's nat ded!!"
His game plan: He's gonna keep on asking you to watch his gigs
First move: He'll give you tickets just for you to watch his gigs
First gift: Some heavy metal CD you can't seem to appreciate
First date: He's gonna take you to Club Dredd
Phone habit(s): He keeps on playing the guitar over the phone, heavy metal stuff of course!
Visiting hours: Everytime he doesn't have a gig
Courting endurance: As long as you don't say No!
How he will propose: He's gonna dedicate this song to you and propose afterwards

THE PLAYBOY
Opening line: "You're my one and only."
His game plan: As far as he's concerned, you're just one of his many options
First move: He's gonna call you EVERY OTHER NIGHT (guess who he calls on those other nights?!?!?!)
First gift: A Parker pen, the ones that can be bought in packs (guess where the other pens went?!)
First date: He's gonna take you to a place where he's sure that he can't be spotted by his other girls...someplace like...McDonalds, Laguna
Visiting hours: Every other day (I wonder why?!?!)
Courting endurance: As long as he gets away with it
How he will propose: Like how he asks every other girl.. "Can you be my girlfriend??"

THE FLASH
Opening line: "Will you be my girlfriend?"
His game plan: He'll ask you as soon as possible
First move: He's gonna ask you
First gift: Oh yah, while he's asking you he's gonna give you roses
First date: (You have to give him an answer first before he takes you out
Phone habit(s): (You never really never got to talk to him. He is so goddamn fast!!)
Visiting hours: The only time he's gonna visit is when he's gonna ask you
How he will propose: refer to opening line

THE JOLOGS
Opening line: "I CRUSH YOU" (what he means is, he likes you very much!)
His game plan: He's gonna collect coins so he can call you from the payphone
First move: He's gonna follow you around like some goon and then he's gonna pick your pocket to get info about you.
First gift: He's gonna give you a pirated tape of the Streetboys' latest album with the special participation of Aiza Seguerra
First date: He's gonna take you to Ever Gotesco Commonwealth to watch a tagalog movie
Phone habit(s): He tries to make you bola by comparing you to Sabrina M. and Nora Aunor
Visiting hours: As long as the jeepneys are not on strike
Courting endurance: As long as..."He Crushes You"
How he will propose: "I lab u , puwede ba kitang maging syota?!?!" (---Jologs tlga)

The Greatest Conversation

Our Father Who Art In Heaven...

YES?

Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.

BUT -- YOU CALLED ME...

Called You? No, I didn't call You. I'm praying. Our Father who art in Heaven.

THERE -- YOU DID IT AGAIN.

Did what?

CALLED ME. YOU SAID, "OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN." WELL HERE I AM. WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, You know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like fulfilling a duty.

WELL, ALL RIGHT. GO ON.

Okay, Hallowed be Thy name...

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

By what?

BY "HALLOWED BE THY NAME"?

It means, it means... good grief, I don't know what it means. How in the world should I know? It's just apart of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean?

IT MEANS HONORED, HOLY, WONDERFUL.

Hey, that makes sense. I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before. Thanks. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

DO YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?

Sure, why not?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?

Doing? Why, nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if You got control of everything down here like You have up there. We're kinda in a mess down here you know.

YES, I KNOW; BUT, HAVE I GOT CONTROL OF YOU?

Well, I go to church.

THAT ISN'T WHAT I ASKED YOU. WHAT ABOUT YOUR BAD TEMPER? YOU'VE REALLY GOT A PROBLEM THERE. YOU KNOW. AND THEN THERE'S THE WAY YOUSPEND YOUR MONEY -- ALL ON YOURSELF. AND WHAT ABOUT THE KIND OF BOOKS YOU READ?

Now hold on just a minute! Stoop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest of
those people at church!

EXCUSE ME. I THOUGHT YOU WERE PRAYING FOR MY WILL TO BE DONE. IF THAT IS TO HAPPEN, IT WILL HAVE TO START WITH THE ONES WHO ARE PRAYING FOR IT, LIKE YOU -- FOR EXAMPLE.

Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that You mention it, I could probably name some others.

SO COULD I.

I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, You know, be really free.

GOOD. NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. WE'LL WORK TOGETHER -- YOU AND ME. I'M PROUD OF YOU.

Look, Lord, if you don't mind, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does. Give us this day, our daily bread.

YOU NEED TO CUT OUT THE BREAD. YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT AS IT IS.

Hey, wait a minute! What is this? Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden You break in and remind me of all my hang-ups.

YOU'RE PRAYING, RIGHT? REMEMBER: IN PRAYING YOU CALL ME. AND HERE I AM. IT'S TOO LATE TO STOP NOW. KEEP PRAYING.

(pauses)

WELL, GO ON.

I'm scared to.

SCARED? OF WHAT?

I know what You'll say.

TRY ME.

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.

WHAT ABOUT CAROL?

See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories. She never paid back the money she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her!

BUT -- YOUR PRAYER -- WHAT ABOUT YOUR PRAYER?

I didn't -- mean it.

WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST. BUT, IT'S QUITE A LOAD CARRYING AROUND ALL THAT BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT ISN'T IT?

Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her. Boy, have I got some plans for her. She'll wish she had never been born.

NO, YOU WON'T FEEL ANY BETTER. YOU'LL FEEL WORSE. REVENGE ISN'T SWEET. YOU KNOW HOW UNHAPPY YOU ARE -- WELL, I CAN CHANGE THAT.

You can? How?

FORGIVE CAROL. THEN, I'LL FORGIVE YOU; AND THE HATE AND SIN WILL BE CAROL'S PROBLEM -- NOT YOURS. YOU WILL HAVE SETTLED THE PROBLEM AS FAR AS YOU ARE CONCERNED.

Oh, You know, You're right. You always are. And more than I want revenge, I want to be right with You... (sigh)

All right...all right...I forgive her.

THERE NOW! WONDERFUL! HOW DO YOU FEEL?

Hmmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all!!! In fact, I feel pretty great! You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight. I haven't been getting much rest, you know.

YEAH, I KNOW. BUT, YOU'RE NOT THROUGH WITH YOUR PRAYER, ARE YOU? GO ON.

Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

GOOD! GOOD! I'LL DO THAT. JUST DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BE TEMPTED.

What do You mean by that?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Yeah. I know.

OKAY. GO AHEAD. FINISH YOUR PRAYER.

For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BRING ME GLORY -- WHAT WOULD REALLY MAKE ME HAPPY?

No, but I'd like to know. I want to please You now. I've really made a mess of things. I want to truly follow you. I can see now how great that would be. So, tell me ... how do I make You happy?

YOU JUST DID...

Simple Friend vs. Real Friend

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. 

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight. 
 
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
 
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself. 
 
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it. 
 
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

A very touching story

A girl and a boy were on a motorcycle, speeding through the night. They loved each other a lot...

Girl: "Slow down a little... I'm scared..."
Boy: "No, it's so fun..."
Girl: "Please... It's so scary..."
Boy: "Then say that you love me..."
Girl: "Fine... I love you... Can you slow down now?"
Boy: "Give me a big hug..." The girl gave him a big hug.
Girl: "Now can you slow down?"
Boy: "Can you take off my helmet and put it on? It's uncomfortable and it's bothering me while I drive."

The next day, there was a story in the newspaper. A motorcycle had crashed into a building because its brakes were broken. There were two people on the motorcycle, of which one died, and the other had survived... The guy knew that the brakes were broken. He didn't want to let the girl know because he knew that the girl would have gotten scared. Instead, he was told the last time that she loved him, got a hug from her, put his helmet on her so that she can live, and died himself...

That's how true love works... SACRIFICE.

NV&M at Glorietta (July 3, 2005)

Rhalph and I watched NV&M at Glorietta last July 3. Ma... have I gotten the date right?

And because...

I haven't greeted you a happy birthday online yet, here goes...

Belated Happy Birthday Gel!

In fairness, I miss you. :p

Hope this new year brings more j-o-y and p-r-o-s-p-e-r-i-t-y to your life! :-D

His birthday was actually September 4.

I managed to call to greet him anyway. :P

Just wanna share...

Think of difficult people as sandpaper. They may rub and scratch you painfully, but eventually you end up smooth and polished. And the sandpaper ends up worn out.

Thanks Steven for the text message. :)

Anyway, I just can't believe how one text message could touch my heart.

Steven, I know you're just on Globe's Unlimited Text... but thanks for the messages!

Just in time to save me from insanity.

To the sandpapers of my life... damn you for scratching me. It hurt me so much. But I know that in the end, I will shine... and you won't.

Back From Corregidor

Yesterday, I went to Corregidor Island! It was an Educational Trip for History 1 (Philippine History). It was really fun!

By 7am I was already at the CCP Bay Terminal. Twas a good thing that my dad gave me a ride to CCP. Although I left the car coz it was really traffic and I need to be there by 7. By 8 am we left the CCP shores. Hehehe. The ride to Corregidor was a bumpy one. There were big waves since we're traveling against the hanging habagat. An hour and a half later, we're already on Corregidor soil. I was traveling with the Occupational Therapy block. With us were Biochemisty and Behavioral Sciences.

Anyway, the Corregidor Island was shaped like a tadpole. From morning til noon, we toured around the Island. We went around several Batteries, battered buildings, memorials, souvenir shops, etc. There was also a hotel and a beach resort.

The tour was great! Twas uber fun... the only sad part is that it was raining so hard! :(

Anyway, I do hope that I get to visit that Island again.

By 1 in the afternoon, we headed to the Beach Resort for buffet lunch. The carbonara was great! (I had 2nd helpings. Shhh...)

After that, we're left alone up till 2 pm when the bus picked us up. We left Corregidor by 2:15 and we arrived back to Manila by 3:30pm.

*sigh* I'm really tired from the trip. Sooo... exhausted.

I actually have a Departmental Exam tomorrow on Math 17. And I haven't studied yet! :(

By the way, I'm quite excited because my first article for Manila Collegian would be published this week or the next.

Oh, another thing, I hope you bought the August Issue of Animal Scene. My article is on page 36. It's entitled Dog Whisperer in Eastwood.

Ta-ta for now!

P.S. I will post pics when I get them. *wink*